Beat it bitch...

Something weird happened this morning that brought a smile to my face. I don't know what it was specifically, but I think it was missing from my life and the fact that it is now coming back into my life gave me that special kind of feeling. I'm excited about tomorrow and what it will bring. I don't know what to expect, but I know I'll laugh and have a grand ol' time just like ol' times. There is so much to look forward to and so many things to consider. It's a new beginning for me, as for many others. I haven't even shared my news with my husband because he's out of town tonight. But, he'll know tomorrow....and he'll rejoice in the fact that Kathie Lee Gifford is joining the Today show!! I am totally for real. Go ahead, pinch yourself. It doesn't get any better than this. I am dead serious. I didn't know how good I had it, until it, or rather she, was gone. The heavens have parted and God has spoken and he said we need more Kathie Lee. And I couldn't agree more.

As a young girl, I enjoyed her role on Live with Regis and Kathie Lee. I didn't think anything of it, I didn't try to label or dissect it...I just enjoyed it. But, now I know why I was drawn to it. She's funny. And I LOVE funny girls. I almost lost all hope when Katie Couric left the Today show and then they brought that Meredith Viera on. Oh. God. She's absolute torture. I can feel her sucking the life out of me minute by minute. Everyone hates her, you can feel it. I hope this new development is just a friendly way of putting Meredith Viera out of her misery. Isn't their some kind of vagina rejuvenation kit on the Home Shopping Network she can be the spokesperson for? Thanks Meredith, but I don't have a AARP card, just yet.

At ease reproducing soldier!

I've started sending out invitations for my boys upcoming birthdays. I imagine we won't be having joint birthday parties for very long before one of them voices their disapproval. And rightly so. I'm just thankful Mack wasn't born on the same day as Kale...that would've really sucked. And it's around this time where my babies (a year old) get easier, more mobile and really entertaining that I start to contemplate having another. I mean, I don't think either one of us are ready to throw in the towel. The big question is WHEN is the right time. Who knows?

We obviously don't know what God has in store for us and if we weren't able to have another I know I would be content and fulfilled with my two precious gems. I don't have the urgency to procreate quickly this time. I guess it's because I need more time with my little Mack-nugget. I feel like this year has flown by and though I've been with him every step of the way he still needs more tendin' to. Kale will start preschool (just 2 days a week) this year and it'll be good quality one on one time for Mack and I. I'm hoping this will give him some growing room and he'll stop barking orders at us like a baby drill sargeant. No! Sir! I will not fix anyone else's lunch but yours! Sir!

So, for now, we're going to take it easy and enjoy what we got going on. Which is A LOT. Two boys under 3 years old...need I say more...I think not. And a dog. And a cat, which needs to find a good home soon. Not that our home is NOT good, but for me and Keith's sanity, it most certainly is not the best fit. I work hard to keep things tidy and when I've just finished sweeping, mopping, cleaning the sinks and the mirror of my bathroom I am then forced to painstakingly watch this furry little creature waltz in, pinch off humungous turds, hop out of the pan merrily sprinkling litter onto the floor I just swept, while the stench slowly makes it way to sucker punch me in the face, heads over to eat her 10,000th fucking bowl of food to start the process all over again----Well, I'll tell you it takes every inch of my body to not grab that cat by the throat and toss her over the fence.

Is it her fault? No. But, I'm convinced that after we had children, our pets just came in a distant 8th on our priority list. I wish we could get better at it. But right now, if I didn't push you out of my female part, then I shouldn't have to clean up your shit, too.

He's not perfect, but he got pretty damn close today

Okay, so I had to drop my Grandmother off this morning, to meet up with my Aunt, for the drive back to Victoria. If I have to be somewhere by 10 a.m., then I need to get started early. Throw in my Grandmother's arsenal of belongings and it can be a massive task.

After coffee, I showered and ran around doing mini-tasks that needed "doin" before my Grandmother left (i.e. printing an emailed joke for her to share with her friends, burning a heart wrenching song onto a cd...in which brings her to hard crying tears everytime she hears it and helping her put on her new makeup that we bought together). Keith had showered first, got dressed, made our bed, and put his clothes for the cleaners in a pile.

He then feeds Mack his solids, gets both boys fully dressed (in decent outfits!), puts a bottle for Mack in the backpack, loads ALL of my Grandmother's items in the truck and puts the boys in the truck with their teddys. Uh...hellooooo? What more could he have possibly done this morning before 9:30 a.m.?????

I graciously thanked him, gave him a kiss, and we rolled out the driveway. My Grandmother raved and raved at how much Keith helps out and how that would've never happened in her days. He does a lot everyday- in addition to his job and I am so thankful for his schedule and its' flexibility...you can't put a price on that.

And...when I got home, I noticed he had mailed the Netflix DVD and vacuumed the living room. I'm not making this shit up. I wanted to show him my appreciation for making my life that much easier by posting about him today...'cause he rocks the hizzouse.

Egg Fest 2008

We had big plans for this weekend that were fulfilled at a 65% level of completion. Kale woke up Thursday morning sounding muffled, but no other signs...no runny nose and no cough. On Friday, a little more of the same except Kale's eyes were a little droopy. So, we met up with my Grandmother, had lunch and came home. My Grandmother noticed quickly that "mijo" was not feeling well. Keith and I were still optimistic, hoping that it would clear up by noon on Saturday.

I had big plans for Saturday. I had orchestrated an easter egg hunt, face painting and an egg dyeing bonanza in conjunction with my cousin's birthday at the park. I made goodie bags, had confetti eggs locked and loaded, and a million plastic eggs filled with sweets dying to be hidden. Surely, Kale would be fine for all the scheduled fun...right? We got to the park at 12:30. Kale took off to play with his cousins and run around half-heartedly. Mucous started escaping from his head and his eye was the closest exit. At 2:00, Kale was feeling majorily pooptastic and his eye looked like he went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. We then found ourselves at a minute clinic at the CVS near our house.

And, Joshua didn't want to feel left out. So, he tested the strength of one of the picnic tables with his chest and then his head with the concrete. Ouch. No cuts or blood, thank goodness. But, he was taken to the emergency room to get checked out to be on the safe side. Luckily, everything turned out fine.

We dined on the leftovers and re-worked all the Easter festivities into Easter Sunday, even though Kale was still under the weather. KD took Kale to the Dr. today and it turns out Kale has a double middle ear infection, yikes, this is his first. Man, Kale doesn't get sick very often, but when he does, he likes to do it right. He threw in a bloody nose early Sunday morning and a bloodshot eye to give it the full effect. Boys.

"Anudder wun, an anudder wun..."

And, Mackey's world is complete...a ball and a banana.

"This sh*t ain't funny!"

"The first rule of Fight Club is...you don't talk about Fight Club"

So You Think You Can Dance

We went to the Children's Museum today for Spring Break Jam. Every day this week there is a performance in the auditorium and today's was a hip-hop/break dance group. Okay, so let me set the scene. Kale had been watching the troop dance and getting down on his own as we sit and watch. At the end, they ask kids to go up on stage to show off some of their moves. I ask Kale thinking he'd chicken out at the last minute. "Otay!" he says.

The kids were to break up in two groups, learn a short routine and then perform it. Well, according to Kale, what they really meant was whenever the music comes on show them what you got. Keith and I have never laughed so hard. All things considered, Kale was probably too young to be up there. But, hey, it's a 30 minute show at a children's museum. The crowd was laughing at Kale a lot, because he's a ham and he knows it. I didn't record as much as I wanted- because I was waiting on the sidelines to leap into action if need be.

The dancers had to tell Kale to stand back and just watch. Kale has never understood this idea. It only seems right that when he was 1 1/2 yrs old, he got slapped in the face by a Chuck E Cheese dancer doing the birthday song routine...he wanted to dance, too. Anyway, the dancers were nice and made Kale a part of the show giving him the microphone at one point to which he screamed out some gibberish that no one understood, but most likely thought it was a bad word because it ended with a "ish". (he often pretends he a monster truck driver yelling into the mic to get the crowd excited and that's just what he did). I'm sure that was Kale's dream come true. A microphone, a room full of people watching and lights shining down on him.

We walked out of there after that because our hearts and stomachs couldn't take much more. And the first thing we said to each other was..."that was so Kale". It's either over the top confidence or he's totally oblivious. Either way, it makes for a good laugh.

Breaking into groups: (watch how Kale separates himself from group to do a solo)

this is Kale's group's turn:

Finally, it was time for his solo:

Do you know what it feels like?

I came across this video. This is how I feel today. I don't watch that show, but I might have to start. I love silly sh*t. I've got a rapist wit. Ha. I don't think I belong in Texas. As a child, my dream was to be on Saturday Night Live...or Soul Train (I love to dance). Maybe in my next life. Right now, I like pretending to be beat up my boys and teach them how to say "oooohh yeeaah" while pounding their fists in the other persons face. Is that bad? Should he not know how to do that when he starts pre-school in August? Well, I'll let them tell me, don't judge.

I laugh when Kale says "peesa crap" to the cat because she scratched him- right before I tell him he shouldn't say things like that. I laugh when Mack wakes up all cranky from his nap, lifts his arms to be picked up and when I go to lift him he throws himself in a fit of rage crying and hitting his head on the side of the crib. (It's funny, he's so dramatic and cute). I laugh when Kale grabs a whole bunch of stuff from the pantry to "cook" with and when we try to wrangle it from his grip he pleads "I need this! I need this" like a crack addict. I laugh when Kale pretends to re-enact a person having diarrhea with a rippling sound and then a "heeeee" at the end for a fart. I laugh when Mack arches his back and screams and refuses whatever it is you're trying to do...whether it's eat lunch or watch the news for 1.5 seconds. I'm a lucky girl and don't think I ever forget that.

:::

Many thanks to our friends in Austin for showing us a good time this past weekend. Our friends without little ones. Our attention spans as parents are slim, at best. We're being pulled every which way from the hours of 7 a.m. to 8 p.m.. But, they did an awesome job of lessening the load taking turns holding the punks, entertaining the punks and watching the punks while us parents took turns playing golf and getting massages. It's not very often you can hold onto friends as you take the plunge into parenthood while they watch. But, they've held strong. As do we. And, when things get ugly, I turn and say, "Don't be scared...it's different when they're yours"...which means exactly that, it's different because they're yours and not mine...amen. Anyway, thanks you guys, you never fail to amaze me at what great friends you are time and time again. And for the next time you guys are with our kids, here's a little bit of advice--you can thank me later.

I'm outtie.

Would you like fries with that?

I try to wholeheartedly monitor what the kids eat and try to make sure it is somewhat of some nutritional value. I said try. I feel guilty if they eat fast food regularly or consume a bag of potato chips. Sure, there are a multitude of times that there is no way in hell Kale is getting a wholesome, cooked meal made with organic ingredients. I mean, geez. I wish. Our time doesn't always allow for such grand fiascos at lunch or dinner time. It's called a toddler and a baby. But, the least we can do is cut some of the bad shit out, right?

I think it should be against the law for food companies, the FDA and everyone else who is involved in our food supply to allow so much fake crap into our food. I mean, they're basically feeding us junk pumped up with antibiotics, pesticides and a whole bunch of food additives that our bodies weren't made to process. Why should natural, healthy food like meat and produce cost so much more to the public? Doesn't that sound ludicrous? And, of course this isn't a new topic that I've been dealing with...I did live in Austin for 2 years (lol) "You mean you don't have your own recycled organic cotton grocery bags?", but it's something that moved up in the level of importance once we procreated 'cause now it's just not ourselves who were feeding this crap to. So, it sucks that it goes something like this...Hey, if you want your kids to be fueled on high fructose corn syrup and food colors, buy our juice for $1.50...but, if you want natural fruit juice without added sugars well then you can pay $4.50 because we'd rather all the poor people eat unhealthy and die early. I admit that is extreme, but c'mon. I realize it costs more to grow and raise food sources that are untouched and produce at normal rates. But, if it was the norm, then maybe prices would fall a little.

It's hard to eat right all the time...especially with kids. The alternative seems complicated and pricey at the same time. I'm always looking for ways to make it less complicated, so I thought I'd share what I have been doing and what I'm looking for to make the transition less intimidating.
1) Stick to the outer areas of the grocery stores (i.e. produce, dairy, meats) all the aisles on the inside are usually all the overproduced food with the bad stuff.
2) Try and buy organic fruits, veggies and milk when you can.
3) Read the labels and stay away from these things:
*High fructose corn syrup
*Sodium nitrates-hotdogs, bacon and sausage
*Potassium bromate- I just read this in a Newsweek article. It's used to process flour.
*Acesulfame Potassium- a sugar substitute often found in things sweetened with Splenda.
Also look for it baked goods, gelatin desserts, ice cream, iced tea and soft drinks as stated by
the article.
*Partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (trans fat). Be on the lookout for it in crackers, baked
goods, fried chicken and french fries.
*Artificial food colors: FD&C Yellow No. 5, No. 6 and FD&C Red No. 40

There's lots of things to stay away from and of course we can't eliminate all this stuff, but the first step is at least identifying what and where these bad guys are.

Rainy days and prostitutes

The weather was crappy today, so we stayed inside and had to keep ourselves entertained. ;-) I took some footage of Kale and Mack doing their usual. Mack screaming like a pterodactyl and walking more and more. He's been walking off and on since he was 10 months (he turned 11 months today), but now he prefers it and pulls up on everything to get to a standing position in order to take off. Here's a little snippet of his current state:

*Video: Yes, that is a hospital overbed table Kale is cooking on. It's a top of the line table, in case you're wondering (lol), and is here for us to marvel over. Not really, Keith had it delivered here for work. And it will soon make it's way to his vehicle, hopefully sooner rather than later. Otherwise, he will be forced to feed me breakfast in bed every weekend. Ha.

I also recorded Kale dancing to some tunes on the Ipod, which is a staple activity in this household. The boy loves music. Whenever we're in the car, we play DJ for Kale. "M please"= Maroon 5, "Drums please"= Cold War Kids, "Baby please"= Paolo Nutini, "Cars please" = Cars movie soundtrack, "West Coast please"= Coconut Records. And thank goodness, because his parents love music. We love it all. I got it all baby. From Andrea Bocelli to "I love my bitch" by Busta Rhymes. Of course, I save "I love my Bitch" for Mommy's time alone. But, hey, if one day he says "bitch please"...I'll know what he's talkin' bout. Biiiittch pleaze!

*Video:Kale was having a grand ol' time, until he was struck with a massive wedgie. *We lost like 20 seconds of footage at the end of this video, but I give up trying to reload again. It showed Mack just standing there without any expression, almost like a statue. Sorry. Mack is like the guy in the front row of the concert with his arms crossed the whole time in this video, not dancing or cheering. You know the one. You've seen him and you ask yourself...#1 Why does this guy even go to concerts if he's not into it? and #2 Why did he get here early to be in the front? Maybe he just likes to hear it live and appreciate the music that way. Either way, I hope Mack loosens up and shakes his booty soon. Because that guy is always the dork, no matter how hard he tries not to be. Did I digress?

In other news...the Governor of New York is in the middle of a prostitution ring. High priced hookers. I guess they have all their teeth and don't ask him to take the trash out or pick up his socks. I saw a picture of his wife, poor thing. Why do they always have to stand next to these fucktards with a smile on their face pretending to be supportive while their spouses spill the beans about how they like to have sex with _______ (men, women, young boys, farm animals...etc) and how they've disappointed their families and current political office? Blah, blah, blah. Please. Men are so silly. Well, no surprise that the wife doesn't look like the freaky type. Do they ever? That doesn't give him a free pass to hookers, but c'mon. If every once in awhile she'd put a string up her butt and did a little song and dance maybe he wouldn't be paying $1500 for a blow job. I'm just sayin'. You gotta keep it new, if it's not new, it's through. I learned this a long time ago. When I worked at Foley's during college an older heavyset woman came in to the lingerie department looking for thongs. She was so cool. She said "Girl, I know I'm too big to be wearing something like this, but it doesn't matter, they love strings up the butt". That's all it takes! And, I read that the highest paid prostitute in the club made $5500 an hour! No shit. What do you think it takes to earn $5500 an hour? I'd like to know. Cause I know what it takes to buy a pair of shoes...I'm talkin' about a pair of Steve Maddens not Manolo Blahniks...omg, I'm totally kidding. But, really, she must be really good. Or...she must have a penis.

It's gettin' hot in herre

It's that time of year again! A time where you start to think about summer and the possibility of having to wear less clothes in front of the general public. You know, like sober people. People who are in the right frame of mind and are judging...harshly. No, not the drunken people with massive hangovers lounging around the pools in Vegas waiting for the sun to descend so the gambling/drinking can ensue. I actually prefer that crowd. I'm talking about families at the local pool or people at a hotel staying for some R&R. It's downright intimidating, no matter what your body type. Uh, can someone turn the spotlight off of me, it's blinding. That's how I feel at least.

That brings me to Turbo Jam which totally turbo rocks. I'm not usually in to DVD workouts (ok, workouts altogether), but this one is cool. It comes highly recommended from another blog I read. And when I saw her results, I was like, uh, yuuuueaaah, where do I get this DVD? So, I'm lovin' it and actually look forward to it. I'd love to join a gym and take one of those crazy/hip-hop/step/martial arty aerobic classes, but it would really cut into my wine/tv/millionaire matchmaker/the real housewives of new york city/breaking bad/blog updating/caring for a baby/chasing a toddler/and snuggling with Mr. D. (ugh, get your mind out of the gutter...D is for Dolar...geez) time. Luckily, this DVD makes up for all that. I get a kick-ass workout in that's fun and motivating. If I keep up with it, I should totally be rewarded with a weekend in Vegas- *hint* *hint*

It's been so long since I've posted, I apologize. So much has happened and I have a lot of funny stories...too bad I don't remember any of them. With that, I will leave you with one of the many reasons I hate Target...and you can call this "$40 for fuckin' what?" (the formula was on sale & I had a coupon)