Check please!

What is wrong with people nowadays, particularly here in Texas? I realize that we don't hear all the horror stories that are going on in all the other states. And, I'm not talking about the injustices that are occurring across the world, because then we might as well burn this muthaf*cka down, but for right now, the newsstory that's got my teeth clenched is the headline from yesterday. I know life is tough, hell, it's tough on a lot of people. But, how can parents murder their own children? It escapes me. Something needs to change, we need to do something different. I don't know if it can be undone, but we need to take a hard look at what is guiding this society of ours.

Maybe we should demand more from the entertainment industries? But, sex and violence sell. A lot. In my opinion though, these God-less, over-sexed, underpaid, materialistic, racist, sexist and over-stimulated generations are continuing and will continue to fail miserably.

I have faith that most people on this earth are good, decent people who want to help others and raise their children with virtues like honesty, integrity, an honorable work ethic, and respect for others. Aside from living in a bubble, there is no escaping it.

A new ranch hand

We went to feed my Grandfather's horses apples and carrots on Sunday with my Dad. We had fun, it was a little muddy, but that was to be expected. I was so excited about Kale and Nathan having the opportunity to get up close to the horses and possibly feed them. I always loved to be around horses growing up. But, when we hopped the gate, I was freaked out...hiding between trees and shielding myself with old cars and tractors that need restoration. The horses were intimidating-- much more than ever before. Having the boys there made the situation way too vulnerable for me.

Keith was like "are you okay?" "uh, yeah...wow, uh..., I think we should just look at them from the other side of the gate" I told him. He was puzzled. Just a few hours ago I was all enthusiastic and pumped up. There were too many safety issues to monitor. The horses were really pushy and nosey. Bumping into us and seeing how much they could get away with. They would nibble the boys' shirts in the wagon and sniff their hands---Kale and Nathan were more annoyed than scared and would just shove their noses away. I wish I was that brave.

Sure enough, Ace (my Dad's dog) kind of spooked one of them and she turned, then bucked and kicked a little. My reaction was "alright, seen enough, that was fun, gotta go". Kale was yelling for the horseys to come back out to the field. I told him "no, no, the horseys have to stay over there...okay?" I know that's what I brought him out there for, but I was scared. Those horses need more time with people so they can be taught manners. But, I wasn't about to teach them any. All in all, it was a good time. I've come to the conclusion that, right now, huge animals are best seen with a safe barrier between us and them.

The War of the Roses

Keith bought me a dozen roses on his way home yesterday. What a sweetie...right?

Maybe you're asking why does the card say "hope you're feeling better"?
it's because the HUGE pimple that I've been battling this week finally popped during the night. He's lucky I have a sense of humor.

Monster Truck Jam

I'm testing out this cool video upload feature. We took Nathan and Kale to the Monster Truck show earlier this month. They loved it. But, near the end, the snacks were a little more interesting. Poor Nathan, Kale is a slow eater. Can you read Nathan's lips?..."Please" he says.

I'm not worthy

So, if you don't already read Linda Lee, you just have too. Her blogs are alive. Alive I tell you! She's about to give birth to her 2nd baby boy and every morning I rush to turn on my computer to see if she's gone into labor yet. It's like a real life soap opera.

She is a phenomenal writer and is so right on so many different levels. I found her from our photographers' website and will definitely link her when I get that part of my blog up and running. Anyway, she has several blogs, because this is a part time job for her. But, I found a favorite post this morning and it made me cry and want to have another baby. Read the post then watch the video. I wonder if that that feeling will ever go away?

I'm almost done with Mack's first year. It's flown by. I guess I'm a little saddened. And Kale will be turning 3 soon. 3!!! They don't stay little forever. I mean we're far off from college and everything like that, but if that's the pace these years are going to go, hold on tight people. So, cherish those little ones and document everything like crazy.
http://www.parentdish.com/2008/01/15/starting-all-over-with-a-new-baby/

*&%#@@@@@!

This blog is under construction...constantly. I won't be finished for probably another month and hopefully I will still be remotely interested in this thing. And make no bones about it, there will be cussing within these posts. Plan accordingly.

I got Botox!

No, I totally could have though. Ha. I'm like so against that stuff. How can anyone inject that stuff into their skin without knowing what it'll do in 20 years? Not enough research for me. Ask me in 20 years what I think about it. I can imagine my answer will be similar to "Why? Do you have some? Do you know where I can get some? I don't like to wait in between treatments. I'd rather inject it once a day. Let me know if you come across any because all my Dr's refuse to see me anymore." On to the purpose of this post...

I went to the dermatologist yesterday for an eczema flare-up on my hands (is that sexy or what?). I told Keith to be prepared for me to come back with huge Angelina Jolie lips, LOL. The MA asked, "do you have a job that requires you to wash your hands frequently or would you call yourself an excessive hand washer?". Yes and Yes. I sling poopy diapers for a living!, therefore I wash my hands constantly to avoid pink eye and other fecal related illnesses. Anyway, the Dr. comes in and for a brief moment we lock eyes. She smiles, she looks at my shoes. "Those are the cutest shoes". "Oh, Thanks" I say, trying with all my might to not tell her what a good deal I got on them, which I'm notorious for. :-). You know that. She then says, "Well, you have eczema" (to myself I'm thinking, Thank you Lord I'm not dying...I'm kind of a hypochondriac...aren't we all? No? Just me then.)

She is writing on her prescription notepad with speed and precision (looking at the pad only), mindlessly talking about what she's giving me and when/how to use it. I'm not listening. I'm thinking about my brush with death and I'm relieved. I start to go into "yeah, I knew it was that. I use to have it as a kid on my elbows and I had this little jar of cream that I'd keep in th..." She abruptly asks, without looking up "what are you doing about your acne?" I was stumped. I wasn't prepared to talk about the few pimples that sprouted last week. Geez. I should've asked her "what are you doing with that uni-brow?".

No, she was really nice and helpful and I left with a crapload of samples and prescriptions. It was soooooo fast. I wanted to chit chat. "I thought we were friends! " I wanted to tell her. "YOU LIKED MY SHOES REMEMBER??? Doesn't that mean anything to anyone anymore?" I'm sure they were like 'this person is not here for anything cosmetically enhancing, get rid of her FAST and make her feel bad about herself so that way she will come back and get something done to that raggedy skin of hers'. So, I'm set up to get my face lasered off next week and she said a new one will grow in in a couple of weeks. Hopefully they'll like me now. I'm so excited!

Sidenote: I picked up my prescriptions today and they would've been over $550 for 3 tubes of cream. It says my insurance saved me $520. Dude, if I didn't have insurance, I'd be a pimply red, dry handed freak with cute shoes.

Where's the "pause" button?

I was just reading another blog.It was a tragic story. A mother lost her child to an accident on a very normal day. They're always normal days, she says. Maybe I should steer clear of depressing topics. Somehow these things always find me.

For instance, I'll be thumbing through Parents magazine reading on how to make puppets out of old tights before bed (not that I would do that, but Moms who do-- love their kids, and well, you obviously don't...thanks Parents magazine!), Keith will go brush his teeth or take his contacts out and come back to see me wiping away tears because I'm in the midst of an ugly face cry because I'm now reading about a child and his/her battle with cancer. He'll look at me, then peer into the opened magazine to see what I'm reading. He'll say "Babe, that's enough. You shouldn't read those things." Well, why do they put it in the magazine, then????!!!!!!

I've got a big disaster list already...is the car behind me going to stop in enough time, OMG...is that a grape?, Sweet Jesus, the baby is crawling on the tile floor with socks on!, and is that the Doodlebops? Frankly, I don't know if I'd be strong enough to hold that many things together.

Okay, so my boys. Ah, my sweet boys. Their smell, their hair, the little crook in their neck...that's where I want to spend my days. Sometimes I still can't believe we made these little people. You guys were the fastest swimmers. Already high achievers.

And with all that love that fills you up, and up, and up comes great pain. The what ifs. I know that it is a constant battle, nobody is guaranteed anything. You can't focus on what is uncontrollable. Love and be loved and know that it is the best thing that has ever happened to you. I just want to keep my boys close to me-away from danger, away from hurt feelings, away from harsh words, away from bad clothes and finally, away from slutty women. I know, it's too much to ask for.

But, seriously...there is a long road ahead of us (amen to that). A road full of ups and downs, twists and turns and I just hope it gives me time to catch my breath every once in awhile.

A humble beginning

We remain optimistic that 2008 will be a remarkable year for us. Keith started a new job and it has proven to be a good decision over and over again. We have so many things to be grateful for...happy (most of the time), healthy children and a loving, supportive family. 2007 will forever be a year to remember...the birth of Mack-nugget and the passing of my Grandfather. There are times when his being gone is almost unbearable, but Kale or Mack will appear from around the corner and I'll see why we stay behind, while the ones we love move on. If you haven't seen "No Country for Old Men", please do so, we highly recommend it. The character played by Tommy Lee Jones recounts a dream he had of his father. In the dream, don't worry this doesn't ruin the movie, he's puzzled as to why his father takes off on his horse ahead of him when they were just riding side by side. (Sidenote: TLJ's father was carrying a lantern and other campsite type supplies) Tommy Lee Jones explains that his father was going ahead to set up a campsite, a place to be safe and keep warm before TLJ arrives. And so, I am comforted at the idea of just like in this life, my Grandfather set up a campsite for me to be safe and warm in, and that he is doing the same in the next life for all of us. Life isn't the same without him and it shouldn't be. We have begun a new life and it's all about humble beginnings.